Disappointment and Hope

Received an email from our case manager letting us know that Rikki is not your mother. We were given the information today that she is looking for “traditional couples” and childless couples. It is very frustration that this simple piece of information was not obtained by the agency and provided in the expecting mother’s situation yesterday. It seems that the simple question of “Would you be open to same sex couples?” would be an easy answer to ascertain. That is the first thing your dad and I look for in the networking emails. If we see the line “open to all types of families” or if it is not mentioned, we are provided with a glimmer of hope that you might be on your way to us. When that seed of hope is planted, it grows on its own and each time a match is not made, the hope is pulled out by its roots, which is painful. The pain from the lack of this match could have been avoided with a simple question.

It is ironic, that as we found out today that we would not be taken into consideration for this baby due to not being a “traditional couple”, there is a battle on Capitol Hill for equality for same sex couples. This is a historic day, which has massive ramifications for our family.

The court could extend a constitutional right for gays and lesbians to wed in all 50 states. There were arguments made today to overturn California’s Proposition 8, which bans same-sex marriage. California’s Supreme Court ruled marriage is a fundamental right that must be extended to same-sex couples. However, voters approved the proposal 52% to 48% in November 2008, six months after the court ruling.  CNN was reporting that post arguments today, it seemed the court was divided four by four, leaving Justice Anthony Kennedy as the swing vote.

The court will listen to arguments tomorrow challenging the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which like the California law, defines marriage as between a man and a woman. In 1996 President Clinton passed this law which prevents legally married same-sex couples from getting federal benefits and privileges, like tax breaks and survivor benefits, that are extended to opposite-sex couples. In total, there are 1138 rights, privileges and benefits that married couples are afforded that same sex couples are not.

Forty-one states now forbid same-sex marriage, although nine of them allow civil partnerships. Nine other states allow same-sex marriage, and about 120,000 same-sex couples have gotten married, according to estimates.

My favorite quote from the hearings today came from Justice Kennedy, stating that the arguments for Prop 8 didn’t take into account the estimated 40,000 children who have same sex parents. “The voices of these children are important, don’t you think?” stated Justice Kennedy. Another which is also from Justice Kennedy “Suppose a state said that, Because we think that the focus of marriage really should be on procreation, we are not going to give marriage licenses anymore to any couple where both people are over the age of 55. Would that be constitutional?”

I could go on and on about this but I will stop here. There is saying that when one door closes another opens, or maybe it is a window that opens… anyways, we received another networking email today about an expecting mother in Philly.  Denise is a 27 year old Caucasian woman due in July with a baby. At this point gender is unknown.  Denise currently lives in Philadelphia and plans to deliver at Temple University Hospital.  Denise is 5’6, with brown hair and hazel eyes.  Denise claims no drugs or alcohol during this pregnancy and does not smoke.  Denise has been to two doctors appointments and is scheduled to go back to the doctor on April 9th to schedule her ultrasound. Denise has had 4 prior children (all girls) and is currently pregnant with her 5th.  Denise and Shawn are open to all families and individuals.  The are looking for a semi-open adoption with meeting the adoptive parent(s) prior to labor and receiving pictures and letters after two times a year.

We will be submitting our profile book to Denise and Shawn to look over. We will see what happens. Another little seed was just planted. Hopefully, this time it grows.

Marriage Equality for All!

Possible baby due March 31!

Well, here we go again! Another submission to an expecting mother. Rikki is a 19 year old woman due with  due with a 3/4 Caucasian and 1/4 Native American child on March 31, 2013 in Wisconsin (city unknown). The gender of the child is unknown.  as Rikki has only attended one prenatal visit during her pregnancy. Rikki denies drug use during her pregnancy but does admit to consuming alcohol before she knew she was pregnant. The extent of her alcohol consumption is currently unknown. We also do now know if she smokes cigarettes. Rikki has a two year old child who is said to be in good health. Rikki and her child live with Rikki’s mother who is supportive of her adoption plan.

There are a lot of unanswered questions that we have about Rikki but we submitted and will see what happens.

8th Failed Match Attemp

It turns out that Lisa was not your mother. This expecting mother picked another couple. We continue to wait for you to find us. It is hard to just sit and wait, so your dad and I are trying other ways to find you. Attached is our profile book that the expecting mothers receive. It tells them all about us. Your grandmother has given the book to an OBGYN that she knows, for she has expecting mothers come to the office that state they are looking for an adoptive family. I handed the book out to a few other people too. Hopefully we find you soon!

If our friends and family know anyone that might help us find you, they can download the book here and give it out. 🙂

Brian and Steve’s Profile Book

Another Submission

We submitted again yesterday to the expecting mother, Lisa. Lisa is a 33 year old Caucasian female due on August 17th, 2013, with a bi-racial child, gender unknown, in Allentown, PA.  Lisa is 5’6″, blue/green eyes and curly Auburn hair.  Lisa has had one prior child who is currently 9 years old and resides with her father in Bethlehem, PA.  Lisa claims no drugs during her pregnancy.  Lisa claims she has been going to the doctor on a regular basis.  She will be going to an ultra sound at 20 weeks to find out the sex of the child.  Birthfather Greg is an African American man in his mid 40’s.  He has three grown children and believes he is not ready to parent again.

She will be looking over the profiles this weekend and we hope to hear by early next week. Maybe this will be  your mom!

March 18th is going to be our first interview with the women creating the documentary. This is a phone conversation and from there we will set up a time for them to come out to the house and meet us. Not sure what to expect with this for we haven’t been given much information.

Last note, I took your dad to his second Mommy Mart today. We met after work and hit up the Oaks Expo center. He seemed like he enjoyed shopping for you. He picked you out crib sheets, toys and seemed to look at every single Winnie the Pooh item in the whole place! It was fun watching him be excited to shop for you.

Multiple updates

It is has been a while since my last update and there has been a lot going on.

About three weeks ago, the organization HelpUsAdopt.org called us. This is the agency that is giving us a grant to help with the adoption costs. We have to send them monthly updates, letting them know where we are in the process of the adoption. I sent the first update email in February and with that the link to the blog. The phone call a few weeks ago, was in regards to a PR documentary video that is being compiled for the non-profit agency. We were asked to be part of the documentary! They would like us to share our story and what the adoption process has been like for us. I think this is going to be a fun and exciting experience.  I received an email today about setting up the phone interview. This is to hear about our story and then we will set up a time for them to come out to the house and video tape us. If you would like our autograph just let me know. Once we have our 1 minute of fame we will be ….. the same. ha-ha 🙂 But it will be fun and make for a good story.

Two weeks ago we submitted to a birth mom who was having twins, a boy and a girl. She first networked with the agency Dec 11th but didn’t find a match, so was re-networked two weeks ago. She was looking for a “traditional couple”. I talked to our case manager and asked if there could be the possibility that we would be considered, especially since she didn’t match after two months. Turns out she truly only wanted a straight couples.

The adoption process is so frustrating for so many reasons. But to continue to hear about adoption situations where the birth parents are unable to take care of their kids but insist on either single woman or straight couples is probably the most frustrating. Brian and I have SO MUCH to offer our child, love values, knowledge, love, a caring community of family and friends and an abundance of LOVE!

After this submission didn’t work out, Brian and I had talked to our case manager, Kayla about our frustration with not finding matches and the agency not having birthmothers that are local. She understood our frustration. She turned us on to a closed adoption Facebook group. Brian and I both joined. It is a group of adoptive parents and agencies. The agencies post about children that are looking for homes and birthmothers that are looking to find adoptive parents. The adoptive parents, use the group to support each other, ask questions of each other and make any adoption scams known to others. I have signed up to get notifications on my phone each time a post is made, so I don’t miss any possible baby adoptions. This has been good, makes me feel like I am doing something to try and find you! At the it is bitter sweet getting so many notifications each day. There have been many posts lately saying “The wait is over”, “We have been matched”, “Our baby is due…” and so on. I am really happy for these couples but at the same time, it is stings as we continue to wait. Also looking over all that post and are connected on there, it seems like there are no other gay or lesbian couples connected to the group.

We received another email today about a birthmother.

New Birthmother Melissa is a 34 year old Caucasian woman from Des Moines, IA due with a Caucasian child any day now.  Melissa thinks she may be pregnant with twins ( not sure, due to lack of prenatal care). The gender of this child or children is currently unknown. Melissa has blue eyes and red hair. The Birthfather in this situation is a Caucasian gentleman who will sign consents according to Melissa. She has 4 children, ages 3-12, who she does not parent. All of her children are said to be in good health.  Melissa would like a closed adoption. The state of IA has terminated her rights on all her other children.  She is “red flagged” meaning she will not be allowed to parent this child either. She would like to view profiles of all types of families.

The positives of this situation is that there wouldn’t be the change the birthmother would change her mind and take the baby back. The overall cost of the adoption is okay, not as high as most of the others. We would need to add airfare, car, hotel and food when we are out of state. With out of state adoptions, we are told we need to plan on being out of state for 10 days for the states work on the paperwork for the baby.  The negatives are that the birthmom has engaged in drug and alcohol use. She has been diagnosed with anxiety (not concerned about) and addictions. There is also a second agency involved, which mean we are paying for two agencies.

When I talked to Kayla (case manager) she had her own unanswered questions on the situation and had me think about a few points that didn’t come to mind for me. I expressed to Kayla that as this process continues and with me coming off of a few days of feeling down, regarding the adoption, we were going to need her help in being objective and help us thoroughly think this situation through. We submitted our profile today, they are being overnighted to the birthmom and Kayla thinks she will hear something from the birthmom by the end of the weekend.  Keep your fingers crossed!