Possible boy names/ 2nd Mommy Market

We now keep a pad of paper and pen on the coffee table, so we can keep a list of possible baby names as we hear them. We want you to have a unique and fun name. You are going to be a one of a kind kid, amazing and special. You will need a name to match that. Hopefully you will like the name we will pick for you, if not you can always change in when you are 18 but I am sure you will love it, your dads have really good taste!

Possible names so far….

Trace, Sebastian, Luke, Reece, Cole, Blake, Tanner, Colton, Caleb. These are the only ones we have agreed on so far.

What do you think???  I like the sound of Sebastian Reece Sedor-Wagner the most.

We need to start working on girl names too.

I went to my second Mommy Market today. The name of these markets, Mommy Markets, rather bugs me, like only mom’s care enough to get their kids clothes. How about a more gender neutral term??   Equality for baby shopping! I will stay 90% of the people there were women. Come on guys, represent!  Anyways, Danielle went with me and helped me get you a bunch of clothes. Supposedly you are going to be worst than Cher and need 6-8 outfits changes a day! So, with Danielle’s help, we picked you up a bunch of onesies, socks, a few books, and Winnie the Pooh light, clock, and blankets.  It is fun shopping for you. I can’t wait until your Pops can go with me shopping for you. It will be cute to see him picking out your baby clothes.

On another notes, this week’s update email from A Baby Step, stated that Linda is still trying to make a decision. So, still waiting. No other birth mothers came through this week that would have been a good match for us.

First day baby shopping!

Thanks to Danielle, I was given great information about consignment shops for kids stuff. Your grandmother (wonder if she is feeling old, reading grandmother? ha-ha)  and I went to the first one today. Sadly, your dad was working and wasn’t able to make it. It was at the expo center in Oaks. It is held twice a year. Today was the last day and most of the stuff was 50% off! Your dad LOVES a deal! Be savvy like me and seek out the deals! There was SO MUCH there! Everything that you could need. Your grandmother and I left with a BIG bag and only spent $24, it was awesome! We got you books, of course books on emotions are a must when your dad is a therapist!  We got a bathtub thingy for you to sit in and get washed, bath towels, blankets, including a Winnie the Pooh blanket, baby books for your dad and I to read up on before you get here. We have learning to do. Like how long do babies wear dippers? 4 months? When do you sleep through the night 8 weeks? So much to read on.

Oh and we got these cute little duck footie! I think I love the idea of having your room theme be Winnie the Pooh! So hope you will enjoy Pooh, Tigger,  Rabbit, Donkey and Piglet. 🙂

Still waiting

9/14/2012

We didn’t hear anything all week from the agency about Linda. Every Friday around 5pm, an email is sent out to the network, giving the status off all the recent birth mothers. I was expecting to see that Linda matched with someone else. You only receive a call if you are selected by the birth mother. I was surprised to see that Linda was still reviewing the profile books. So, we still have a chance but from what I understood, the birth mothers usually pick a profile with in a few days. The fact that it has been over a week could be concerning because maybe she is changing her mind or really struggling with this decision, which could lead to her changing her mind about the adoption down the road. Or maybe I shouldn’t look into it too much. 🙂 So, we wait some more….

Linda

Sept 7th, 2012. Brian sends me a text at work, very excited about the latest email about a birth mother. He wants to submit our book to her. At the time, the book was not quite done. So, I said lets finish it tonight and get it in.

Linda is the birth mother. The information that came to us was…

New Birthmother Linda is a 24 year old Caucasian woman due with a Caucasian and Filipino (50% Caucasian and 50% Filipino) baby boy on January 17, 2013 in Texas.  Linda lives with her parents who are supportive of her adoption plan. Linda was adopted as a child. She denies drug or alcohol use during the pregnancy and has been seeking prenatal care. Linda is covered under her father’s insurance plan. The Birthfather in this situation is a Filipino gentleman who wants nothing to do with the child. Linda would like to view profiles of families who are willing to provide pictures and updates after birth. She is open to traditional, same sex and single families.

Brian was so excited to have a boy. She sounded good. She is getting prenatal care and has the support of her family. Once the book was finished that night, Brian and I switched roles, he was all steam ahead and I was coming up with all these reasons why we were not ready yet. She is due in Jan., 4 months from now!!!! OH MY GOSH the possibility of being parents in 4 months was scary. You would think I would be so ready, we have been talking about this for 4 years now. Brian was great, he calmed me down and reassured me that we would be fine and so happy all together.  So we submitted for the first time to Linda.

Now we wait………

Family Profile Book

We had to create a family profile book for the birth mothers to view. This book talks about our family, friends and life together. This is the book your mom saw and what caused her to pick us. The link below will let you see the book.

steve and brian’s family book

A Baby Step

August 22nd, 2012. Our first one-on-one meeting with the agency. We meet with Maggie, who works with all the birth mothers. The meeting last 2.5 hours. We received a very thick adoption manual. We talked about what we wanted, such as if there were family health problems or health problems with the birth mother, any drug or alcohol use…  She asked about us and our background. We talked about different states laws for adoption. Adoption grants were discussed and the creation of the Family Profile Book. It was an interesting meeting. We didn’t realize that if the baby came from another state, we should plan on staying in that state for 10 days. That state needs to approve us as adoptive parents, then paperwork sent back to PA, for PA to approve. Then we are allowed to return to PA with the baby. Each state also has different laws on how long the birth mother has to change her mind about the adoption. In PA it is 30 days, NJ 3 days…

We also leaned about “at risk monies”. This is money that we would need to give out to the birth mother to cover expensive, that if she changed her mind about the adoption, those funds would be lost. Something this covers rent and expenses if they don’t have money to pay their rent or need money for food.

We also learned that the name on the birth certificate is the last name of the adoption worker. After we have the baby the state requires that the adoption worker come out to the home 3 times, once each month to make sure the baby is okay. After that 90 days, we go to court and are given full custody. At that time a new birth certificate is given with our last name on it for the baby.
It was a lot of information to take in. Next step, get the profile book done. When that book is completed, we will be able to start applying to the birth mothers. Today, we had to hand over a check for $7,800. This covered the cost of that 2.5 hour meeting and it gets us started on their adoption network. Once a birth mother comes to the agency, everyone on the network will receive an email providing information on the birth mother, birth father and baby. If we think we could be a good fit for her, we tell the agency to submit our family profile book. Then it is a waiting game to see if you get picked.

Okay, off to get that book finished!!

The Beef and Beer Fundraiser

Your dad and I have some pretty amazing family and friends! The biggest hurdle in this process is the financial aspect. After saving for two years and being so far from our goal, some of our friends and family members, convinced us to hold a Beef and Beer Fundraiser. After a lot of consideration, we put our pride to the side and asked for help. Your grandfather, Djai Djai made this whole event possible! Without his drive and determination this event wouldn’t had been as successful as it was. The goal was to raise enough money that we could afford the monthly loan payment from a bank.
The event was held at Polonia Hall in Philadelphia. There was over 200 tickets sold! I think we had close to 200 people there that night.  Friends from all aspects of our lives, family, family friends, co-workers, friends of Uncle Greg and Aunt Carolyn, past co-workers from your grandparents, and even my two of my kindergarten teachers came! There were so many items donated for the raffles and the DJ that did our wedding played the music that night. It was quite a sight to see. Your dad and I, could just feel the love in the room that night. So many people believed in us and knew how important you were to us! Everyone is so excited to eventually meet you.

We raised triple the amount we expected to! We reached our goal and can start with A Baby Step!!

Next big step complete!

The Home Study

The Home Study is an intense process of showing the state we would be fit parents. We used Love and Hope Adoptions, to complete the home study for us. We both had to answer about 30 questions individually, on our families, growing up, what your uncles and grandparents do/did for work, where everyone lives, our educational background, what we each like to do for fun… Then we had to answer questions together on what our parenting approach would be, what our life routine is, what we do for us, how we show affection…. We needed FBI and State clearances, saying we are not in trouble with the law or ever abused children. We needed 3 letters of recommendations from people who have known us longer than 4 years. We had to provide a list of our monthly expenses, pay studs and W2s. We each had to have a physical, get an HIV and TB test done. The doctor needed to write a letter stating we were healthy and have a long life expectancy. After we submit all this paperwork, the worker came to the house to inspect the home.

Your dad and I spend 3 days cleaning the house from top to bottom. The house never looked so clean before. The day the worker was coming out, we also had our doctors appointment right before. This visit did not go well for me. My doctor gave me problems writing me a health letter. He stated he didn’t know enough about my heart condition and didn’t know if he would be able to say I would have a long life. I was so upset, that this jerk could stop this whole process. Then to leave that appointment and head straight home for the adoption worker, I was not in a good place, anxiety out of control, with a small break down in the car on the way home.

The adoption worker was very nice and tried to reassure us we didn’t need to worry and could relax. I guess she could tell we were tense. The stress of someone looking at every aspect of your life and judging you is so stressful. She asked us questions but they were questions that we had already filled out. There was a list of questions we were told we would be asked, like what would make Steve a good dad? What 3 words would you use to describe Brian… stuff like that. None of those questions were asked. I think your dad wanted to kill me the days leading up to this visit, because, I was like “we need to prep, prepare answers for these questions.” I was quizzing your dad the days leading up to the visit. And in the end we didn’t even have to answer those questions.

She wanted to see where your room was going to be. She wanted to see the backyard and make sure we had smoke detectors and fire extinguishers in the home. Then she said that was all she needed to see. I was like, “What?!? We cleaned for 3 days, you best believe you are seeing the whole house!!” Well, I didn’t really say that but I wanted too. I was so worked up about the visit and it turned out to be very relaxed and calm.
After that, I had to chase down my doctor and get the health letters. That was a process and I told him that after 12 years I would never come back to see him. But we got the letter and the adoption worker, wrote the 20 page document, saying we are fit to be parents. Another big step completed!! We are getting closer to getting you!

Research

We spent a lot of time researching all the different ways and agencies that could help us get you. We talked to agencies over the phone and met with Adoptions from the Heart and Baby Step. We looked into surrogacy and talked to agencies in NY about it. We found out that it would cost about $70,000. We looked into foreign adoption but was told by an agency that foreign adoption by same sex couples and single males was not an option any more. We looked into foster care but decided that foster care was not for us. After having worked for an adoption/foster care agency, and seeing that we could have a child in our home for up to 2 years and the child being ordered by the court to go back to the birth parents, we decided that we would not be able to take that emotional risk. So, after looking at all of our options and talking to many agencies, we decided that the agency, A Baby Step, was the right agency for us. Most agencies have you wait while they show your family profile book to all the birth mothers. This means that the birth mothers are looking at 20-40 books from the couples that are looking to adopt. A Baby Step, will send the prospective parents emails about the birth mothers that come to them. In the emails we are told about the health history of both biological parents, if known. We are informed about the situation the birth mother is currently in, any prenatal care they have received, any drug or alcohol use and family history. If we think the birth mother is a good fit for us, then we tell the agency to send the birthmom our profile book. Now, instead of 20-40 books to look at, they might get 10 or so. It is nice that with this agency, we have the first say if we are interested in the birth mother or not.

A Baby Step is the agency that helped us with getting you!

The wedding

Our wedding, or Commitment Ceremony was July, 16th 2010. Hopefully by the time you are reading this, PA will have changed the laws and your Dad’s will legally be married.  This was the most amazing day of our lives! Next to having you of course! People asked why we were doing this, spending all this money, when it won’t even be recognized by the government. We did this for us and for you. We felt it was important for us to make this commitment to each other before having you. It was also important for us to be able to celebrate our love, the same way that straight couples do. It is such a powerful thing to stand in front of all your friends and family and say to the world that we promise to love each other and be there for each other for the rest of our lives. The woman who lead the service, Miki, was so eloquent with her words. She was able to express to everyone the importance of that day and tell our love story. It was touching and funny. I still get choked up each year, when we watch it on our anniversary

The event was held at Historic Waynesborough in Paoli. Your dad wanted a historic place with an older home. I wanted something with a beautiful outside for the ceremony and this was the best of both worlds. We had 146 friends and family that where there to party with us! Uncle Greg, Uncle Brian, and Uncle Andy were all in the wedding party. Uncle Brian and Uncle Andy each gave a great toast at the dinner. Hopefully you get you amazing dance moves from me and not your Pops! Brian would kill me if he knew I was calling him Pops! ha-ha.