Second submission

 For the second time yesterday, we submitted our profile book to a birthmother, Suzan! There is some more information that we would want about her and the situation, which we requested but over all she looked like she would be a good fit for us. You can see the description below.

There where some people asking me what we look for in a birthmother. When we get the emails letting us know the agency has a new birthmother, the first thing we look at is if she is open to “non-traditional couples” otherwise there is no point in reading about the situation and getting excited, which has happened many times. Next week look at the price. For each situation there is a different price tag. Then we look to see if she admits to any drugs or alcohol during the pregnancy and when prenatal care was started. We then look at the health history of both parents, the state (location) the baby is in to see what the laws are in that state and how long the time period is for the mother to change her mind. Some states are 72 hours, others are 30 days. We also look at the amount of money that is at risk of being lost if she changes her mind and keeps the baby. Sometimes this can be up around $10,000 we would lose. We look to see if another agency is involved, because that brings the overall price up. We also want to know if her family is supportive of the adoption plan. There is a lot to consider when choosing to submit our profile book.

Now that we have submitted, it is a matter of waiting to see if we get selected. Then we will need to look over the additional information that we requested.  Keep fingers crossed for us!!!

Email about birthmother

New Birthmother Suzan is a 21 year old 1/2 Caucasian and 1/2 Asian woman due with a 3/4 Caucasian and 1/4 Asian baby on July 17, 2013 in Sioux City, Iowa. The gender of the child is unknown. Suzan admits to smoking marijuana and consuming alcohol a couple of times prior to finding out she was pregnant. Since finding out she is pregnant Suzan has not smoked marijuana or drank alcohol. She does not smoke cigarettes. Suzan is receiving prenatal care. She currently lives with her parents and they are supportive of her adoption plan.  

The Birthfather is a Caucasian gentleman who is 21 years old. He is now in a relationship with someone else and wants nothing to do with Suzan or this child.

Suzan would like a semi open adoption with pictures and updates from the adoptive family after birth and would like to meet the family in person sometime prior to birth. She is open to viewing profiles of all types of families.

Your wall

Uncle Andy was in town for Thanksgiving and painted this Winnie the Pooh mural on your bedroom wall. It came out amazing! I love it and I am sure you will love it too. The start of the road is where your crib is going to go.

The carpet will be going in next week in your room. It is nice and soft. Let’s just hope the cats don’t pee on it.

On another note, we were selected to be the recipients of a $4,000 grant from HelpUsAdopt.org!! The have financially help 73 family with adoption. This is amazing and is a big help.  http://www.helpusadopt.org/

 

Your room

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We are getting closer to getting your room finished! We emptied out the room this weekend to make space for your crib and dresser, which we just picked up for you. Your pops put the crib together and then I got to put out all the items that I have been buying over the last three months. I filled your drawers with the oneies, blankets, baby towels, wash cloths, and tiny socks. You are going to have to share your room, when you get here because Kosmo is sleeping on the glider all the time! One of the cats was even sleeping in your crib!  It is exciting to see the room come together. We still need to get the room carpeted and we need a book shelf. Uncle Andy will be coming in for Thanksgiving this week and he is going to be creating your Winnie the Pooh mural. I am really excited about this. I think it will be amazing! After we finished with your room last night, we both sat and were just all smiles thinking about seeing you in that crib.

On a sadder note, I attended the memorial services for your Uncle Ron today. He and your grandfather, Djai Djai have been friends for the last 40 years. Uncle Ron and Aunt Eileen, have been such close friends with your grandparents that they became Aunt and Uncle to me and your Uncle Greg and Uncle Brian. I actually have a baby stool, that they had engraved for me for my 1st Christmas. It is now in your room. Uncle Ron and Aunt Eileen were also a major donor for the fundraiser that we had for the adoption.  In addition, they were a big source of support for us. I talked to Uncle Ron on the phone at the start of us putting the fundraiser together and his words were so kind and encouraging. It is sad you were not able to meet him but Djai Djai has many stories that he will be happy to share with you.

The Baby Wait

There is a new show on the Logo station, called The Baby Wait. It is about gay and lesbian couples who are going through the adoption process. Each episode starts at the point in the process where the couple is matched with the birth mother. The agency that we are using actually had a couple that did an episode for this show. The first episode just aired this week. The couple was Mark and Paul, who adopted Morgan from birth mother Genevieve. Genevieve was an 18 year old who was carrying her ex-boy friend’s baby. The father agreed to the adoption and didn’t want any contact. Genevieve decided that adoption was right for her and the baby, for she can’t financially take care of the child. She wanted to get her GED and go to college. Her parents were very supported and assisted her in staying the course of adoption because they knew it was the right path for their daughter and granddaughter.

The show was a look into the process and what we have to look forward to. The families were from Connecticut. In Connecticut, after the baby is born the birth mother has 48 hours with the baby before she can sign any paperwork. Then she has 30 days to change her mind and take the baby back. Watching and seeing the emotional struggles of the birth mother, to do what she knows is right for her and the baby, while coping with the loving feelings to be with and keep her baby, was very emotional for me. To really see and hear that struggle, and attach a face to a mother was very powerful. To see the fear and anxiety the adoptive parents experienced was also powerful. I could feel my chest tightening up, thinking about the possibility of having you in our life and knowing there is the chance you would be taken back, is painful to think about.

This process is so emotionally charging. It is very depressing at times. At times, I become overwhelmed with emotion and feeling that we are never going to find you. We have started putting your room together. The furniture has been moved out to make room for your crib and furniture. We are going to get carpet put into the room and we will have all your Winnie the Pooh stuff up really soon. I feel like we have been waiting forever for you and in reality it has been years! I want you here with us so badly right now! I am so tired of waiting for us to be brought together. I wish there is something I could do to make this go quicker.  I want to hold you in my arms, rock you to sleep at night, laugh and smile with you, have your tiny hand wrap around my finger. When you do find your way to us, it will be the best day of our lives.

Love you and can’t wait for us to be connected.

Feeling Pressure

We received an email this week about birth mother Kimberly from Birmingham, Alabama. She is a 36 year old woman, who is married to a 41 year old man. He is the father of the baby. They have two other boys, a 15 year old and a 21 year old. This was an unexpected pregnancy and they can’t afford another child. There are many positives with this situation. Kimberly has support for during and after the pregnancy, she has not done any drugs and has been receiving prenatal care. The child would have biological siblings, even though they are older that would be nice. They would like a semi-open adoption, so there would be some contact with them over the coming years, which we would like. The challenges to this situation… Due to Kimberly being in another state, we need to pay for the adoption agency she is using, which is $15,500. The agency she is using is based in CA. This makes it hard for that agency to do the birth mother work. This is making sure she is emotionally and mentally ready for the adoption and when the baby comes, she will follow through with the adoption. If we were to go with her and pay the other agency, we are then connected to that agency, even if the adoption does not go through. If the birth mother changes her mind, that $15,500 stays with the CA agency and we would then have to make another match with them, in order for that money to be put towards the next adoption. Otherwise the $15,500 is lost. Another concerns is the “at risk money”, which is the money paid to the the birth mother for her current expenses. For Kimberly, her and her husband are currently unemployed, so they want us to pay for rent, utilities, gas, phone, laundry, food and post adoption cost, totaling $8,600. This money would all be lost too if she changed her mind about the adoption.

We called our case manager Kayla after seeing this email. Brian and I felt pressure to apply to her because of the positives of this situation. Many of the birth mother that come to us have some kind of drug or alcohol use, another situation last week, showed the mother on herion, or the situations state they only want “traditional families”. So, Brian and I are always concerned that another “good” situation might not come up. I expressed our concerns and anxieties to Kayla and she was very helpful at calming that anxiety. She stated that their agency will have more birth mother emails coming out very soon for women with our agency, so we wouldn’t have to pay for another agency.

On another notes, we started moving furniture around in the house. We have been taking pieces out of your bedroom and placing the pieces in the other bedrooms. Next step is to get the room carpeted for you. Then we need to get a crib and changing table. Once we have all that, we are having someone come in to do a Winnie the Pooh mural. It will be awesome once it is all done.

Costume suggestions

Auntie Direnc sent some Halloween costume suggestions for you. I am thinking that putting you in a bucket could result in a someone calling children and youth on your dads. ha-ha

OUTfest

We were out in center city with Auntie Kate, Auntie Erin and Auntie Direnc 🙂 a few weekends ago for OUTfest. It is an amazing festival in the city that celebrates coming out. It is a family event with all kinds of festivities. We meet an LGBT family group. They do social events together, educational events for the parents and there is parental support for each other. While there we found a really cute onesie for you! I think this group is going to be  great for us. It will allow you to have friends with other kids that have same sex parents too. Can’t wait to see you in the onesie.

We wait

 

 

It didn’t work out with Linda. It seems that she has pulled out of the adoption. We have recently a few birth mother emails but we didn’t feel there was a good match. So, we wait. We mailed in our information to HelpUsAdoption.org for a adoption grant. Cross your fingers for us.

With Halloween getting closer, I have been thinking about how great your first Halloween is going to be. Do you think you would like a little pumpkin costume or maybe a cute little lion?? Your grandmothers use to make Halloween costumes and it will be special when they make a costume for you too.

Possible boy names/ 2nd Mommy Market

We now keep a pad of paper and pen on the coffee table, so we can keep a list of possible baby names as we hear them. We want you to have a unique and fun name. You are going to be a one of a kind kid, amazing and special. You will need a name to match that. Hopefully you will like the name we will pick for you, if not you can always change in when you are 18 but I am sure you will love it, your dads have really good taste!

Possible names so far….

Trace, Sebastian, Luke, Reece, Cole, Blake, Tanner, Colton, Caleb. These are the only ones we have agreed on so far.

What do you think???  I like the sound of Sebastian Reece Sedor-Wagner the most.

We need to start working on girl names too.

I went to my second Mommy Market today. The name of these markets, Mommy Markets, rather bugs me, like only mom’s care enough to get their kids clothes. How about a more gender neutral term??   Equality for baby shopping! I will stay 90% of the people there were women. Come on guys, represent!  Anyways, Danielle went with me and helped me get you a bunch of clothes. Supposedly you are going to be worst than Cher and need 6-8 outfits changes a day! So, with Danielle’s help, we picked you up a bunch of onesies, socks, a few books, and Winnie the Pooh light, clock, and blankets.  It is fun shopping for you. I can’t wait until your Pops can go with me shopping for you. It will be cute to see him picking out your baby clothes.

On another notes, this week’s update email from A Baby Step, stated that Linda is still trying to make a decision. So, still waiting. No other birth mothers came through this week that would have been a good match for us.

First day baby shopping!

Thanks to Danielle, I was given great information about consignment shops for kids stuff. Your grandmother (wonder if she is feeling old, reading grandmother? ha-ha)  and I went to the first one today. Sadly, your dad was working and wasn’t able to make it. It was at the expo center in Oaks. It is held twice a year. Today was the last day and most of the stuff was 50% off! Your dad LOVES a deal! Be savvy like me and seek out the deals! There was SO MUCH there! Everything that you could need. Your grandmother and I left with a BIG bag and only spent $24, it was awesome! We got you books, of course books on emotions are a must when your dad is a therapist!  We got a bathtub thingy for you to sit in and get washed, bath towels, blankets, including a Winnie the Pooh blanket, baby books for your dad and I to read up on before you get here. We have learning to do. Like how long do babies wear dippers? 4 months? When do you sleep through the night 8 weeks? So much to read on.

Oh and we got these cute little duck footie! I think I love the idea of having your room theme be Winnie the Pooh! So hope you will enjoy Pooh, Tigger,  Rabbit, Donkey and Piglet. 🙂